so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
