if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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