Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
