The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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