Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
