can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
