if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
