bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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