Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
