well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
