12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
