the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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