Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
