So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
