He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
