remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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