Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
