from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
