I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
