my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
