Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
