Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
