I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This toilet bowl is my home.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
