Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
