Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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