dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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