The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have aggressive nipples.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
