If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
