they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
