my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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