i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
