the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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