Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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