I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
