dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
