He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
where are my eyebrows?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
