Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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