Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
