There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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