I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
vagina is talking i cant
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
