My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
