the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
