Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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