My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
