Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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