so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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