I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
