areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
