I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
