1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
