It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
