is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
