apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
